Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
