I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
