Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
