Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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