okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
