then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
