hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
