i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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