can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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