So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
