Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
where are you?
Hypothermia
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
