The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
