okay pat passed out under dana's car
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Sober January is a disaster.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
