My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
