life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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