all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize