He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
