I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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