Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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