i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
