am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
