You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
