Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
