He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
