I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
