I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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