I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
