ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
