I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
