Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
