I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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