remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
