That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We left the knife in your bed.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
