is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
