You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
