you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am naked and annoyed.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize