I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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