How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
