we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
