Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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