Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
