Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
