So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
