We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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