I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
