escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
