In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
