Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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