Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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