I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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