She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize