dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
