The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize