I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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