Who wears a wallet chain?!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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