you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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