Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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