Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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