He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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