I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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