...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
