i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
