What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
