how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
