Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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