I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
