he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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