the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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